Food Network – Who I Like, And Who I Don’t

As I’ve confessed before, I’m a huge Food Network Fan. Well, go figure, since I’m a huge food fan. And I don’t mean huge in just the metaphorical sense, either. It’s taken years of effort to get a body like mine. Really.

And I’ve learned so much by watching, too: How to properly season a dish. Tasting your food as you cook. The importance of high heat, when needed. Knife skills. The ease and satisfaction of cooking with fresh ingredients.

So who taught me?

• Alton Brown. My all-time Food Network favorite. Alton is a food genius, hugely entertaining to watch, and appeals to me personally with his scientific approach to food. I owe my almost-but-not-really-award-winning ribs recipe to Alton. Iron Chef America would be completely boring without him, too.
  
  
• Giada De Laurentis. Her innovative take on Italian cuisine never fails to inspire me. I cannot count the number of times I’ve watched her shows and then gone shopping to make the same dish for dinner that night!
  
  
• Ina Garten. Ina’s simple yet elegant style resonates with me. Not every dish rings my bell, but her shows always get me thinking in new ways, and she gets extra points for knowing every Gay man in the Hamptons.
  
  
• Anne Burrell. Though Anne has been on Food Network for a couple of years as part of the Mario Batali team for Iron Chef America, her new show fills a notable gap in the FN lineup for me: More insight into the professional chef world. Her techniques and shortcuts are always useful, and her commentary is fresh without being too cutesy.
  
  
• Guy Fieri. I like Guy a lot. Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives is a fun show featuring some interesting and quirky places, and with Guy’s Big Bite, he makes food that appeals to my dark side (bad for you, but oh so tasty). And he drives a cool ’68 Camaro, too!

Honorable Mentions – These folks are fun to watch, too!

• Bobby Flay. I used to think Bobby was a pompous jerk, but after watching a few dozen Throwdown episodes I’ve decided he’s a nice guy after all. Why? He’s a good loser.
  
  
• Duff. I’m not much of a baker and his show doesn’t really “teach”, but he and his friends are fun to watch.
  
  
• The Neely’s. Nice folks who seem to genuinely love each other and their food. I haven’t picked up much, but I still watch.
  
  
• Robert Irvine. Dinner Impossible gives me another look into professional kitchens, for which I have a fascination. He can be a bit over the top, but still fun.
  
  
• Sunny Anderson. I’ve watched Cooking For Real a couple if times and found it informative and enjoyable. She is warm, pleasant, and engaging.

And here are my votes for the worst:

• Aaron McCargo, Jr.. He’s just not interesting and doesn’t inspire confidence. Boooring.
  
  
• Aida Mollenkamp. The Ask Aida format has no appeal for me. If I wanted to watch people stare at computer screens, I’d go back to the office. Besides, I too have the world’s greatest research tool at my fingertips: The Internet. Who is she talking to, Luddites? Get a browser, people!
  
  
• Rachel Ray. She just seems to have jumped the shark from over-exposure. Thirty Minute Meals haven’t done all that much for me (Yes – I tried one), and I think she’s done.
  
  
• Marc Summers. Unwrapped can be fun to watch, but Marc Summers does not make a good host. He seems over-rehearsed and has cliche dialog. I just wanted to scream when he hosted the finale of Next Food Network Star a season or two ago – it was just bloody awful!
  
  
• Tyler Florence. The clear winner for Worst Food Network star. He comes off simultaneously as both pompous and disengaged, and seemed downright rude during the most recent Next Food Network Star episode, wherein he “helped” the constestants do a 30 second meal tip. Also, did you catch that none of the contestants seemed overly happy to see him, unlike with other FN personalities? This guy should go.

Night Squirrels And Other Life Forms

Rhyan, our new border collie, chases squirrels. Whether they are really there or not. And at night, too.

Even at midnight he will run around the yard madly barking and then decide suddenly that he sees a squirrel in a tree, at which point he will jump and yipe. The Admiral says she can just imagine the squirrels, equipped with night vision goggles, throwing nut shells down at him. Now THAT’S a visual!

Meanwhile, one of my coworkers has had trouble with woodchucks burrowing under the foundation of his house, forcing him to a) hunt woodchucks with a laser-equipped rifle, and b) pour new concrete footers before his home collapses.

But here’s the interesting part: woodchucks, aka marmots, are actually…. big squirrels with short tails! That’s right, they are all members of family Sciuridae, which includes squirrels, marmots, and prairie dogs.

Who knew?

The Best Of Dale City/Woodbridge/Dumfries

Stop laughing, dammit! Really! Stop! I mean it!

Seriously, I love where I live and I love what’s here, while fully acknowledging that Del Ray, it ain’t. Regardless, eastern Prince William County has a lot to offer, but many of its gems are tucked away in neighborhood shopping centers. Herewith are my “best of” choices:

• Best Grocery Store This is a no brainer: Wegmans. The place rocks! You can find anything here. Their cheese selection alone merits five stars, and to top it off, the prices on the non-gourmet items generally beat Shoppers, Giant and Safeway. The staff is amazingly wonderful, and the hot food bars alone are worth the trip. What are you waiting for?
• Best Ethnic Grocery Store And the winner is Super Q Mart! Located on River Ridge Boulevard off US 1 at the south end of Woodbridge, it’s nice, clean, well organized, and has a great selection of ethnic foods and fresh vegetables of all kinds. Their seafood area smells good and looks clean, which, frankly, sets it far apart from Global Foods. They routinely have head-on fresh shrimp (a must if you’re making a shrimp stock!) and sushi-grade tuna, hamachi, and saba. In Woodbridge. Who knew?
• Best Pizza Without a doubt, the best “real” pizza is at the original Padrinos location in Center Plaza in Dale City. Owned and operated by the Padrino family since the early 80′s, they are still turning out the real deal, direct from Italy. I had a chance to talk to the Padrinos recently, who told me that they arrived here unable to speak a word of English, and learned everything they know by running their restaurant. Best pie: Meatball, mushroom, black olive and extra cheese, well done. Try it!
• Best Sushi Tokyo Japanese Steak House. See my Sushi In Northern Virginia page for more. The very best spicy tuna handrolls on the planet! I promise!
• Best Salsa I love a good salsa. Not the thin runny kind that you dip a chip into. Noooo. The kind that you scoop and scoop and scoop, preferably with fresh made, warm tortilla chips. My choice? On The Border, located on the Parkway about a mile from I-95. Oh, and the rest of the food is good, too, even for a chain.
• Best Carryout Chinese Food China Gourmet in Center Plaza, Dale City. This place has been just under my nose for years, and I missed it. I’ve tried all the Dale City carryouts, with varying success, but this place never disappoints: The creamy butter shrimp is utterly amazing: perfectly fried shrimp in a lightly sweetened buttery creamy sauce – yowza! The best chow mein I’ve had in recent memory, and the perfect deep-fried rangoon! Never too greasy, always perfectly prepared, this place puts all the competition to shame.
• Best Seafood Tim’s Rivershore. If you haven’t been to Tim’s, you are really missing out. Located on the shore of the Potomac River just north of Dumfries, Tim’s is a local hangout with quite possibly the most varied clientele I have ever experienced: Boat folks, local watermen, Marines, FBI types, old Woodbridge, and a smattering of other colorful characters. Tim’s has crabs, fish, scallops, burgers, and cold drinks, an outdoor tiki bar, boat docks, and inside air conditioned seating. Home of the Not On The Fourth Of July Fireworks, Roar At The ‘Shore, and some jetski poker runs, Tim’s is fun incarnate. See their website for details and directions.
• Best Barbecue Famous Daves. I have to offer a caveat here: I have had better barbecue, and it might even be a Dixie Bones, a local favorite. But Dave’s is definitely worth trying. I am currently also searching for MUCH better barbecue, but haven’t been able to find it quite so nearby. More on this later.
• Best Soft Serve Ice Cream is not in eastern Prince William. Sorry. It’s Klines Freeze in Manassas Park. Okay, it’s fifteen miles away, but really, really, really worth the trip! Address: 8200 Centreville Road.
• Best Bargain Breakfast Harold and Cathy’s Dumfries Cafe, located at the north split of US-1 in Dumfries, is a local favorite. It smacks of a bygone era of dinettes, and is a no-nonsense old-school cafe with good, inexpensive food. Beware, they are only open for breakfast and lunch and they fill up fast on weekends.
• Best Candy Store The Admiral is a known chocoholic. Really. Her picture appears on the Wikipedia article for chocolate addiction. Every Christmas I find exotic chocolates (preferably Belgian and Swiss) to stuff her Christmas stocking, and I go to the candy store in the food court area of Potomac Mills Mall to do it. They have it all: Lindt truffles, Guylian fine Belgian chocolates, and other delectables from across Europe.

And what about non-food related “best of” places? Here are a few:

• Best Dog Groomer Groomingdales, located in the Market at Opitz Crossing shooping center a couple of doors down from Radio Shack. We had a special needs elderly dog, and after hassling with PetSmart, who eventually refused to groom him, found these wonderful, caring folks. They are the best!
• Best Car Dealership Cowles Ford, located on Minnieville Road near Prince William Parkway, has been the sole service provider for Adventure Truck and it’s predecessor for eight years now. If you have a Ford Diesel truck and are having it serviced elsewhere, you are missing out. Matt, my service writer, is amazing, trustworthy, helpful, and has never, ever, ever, steered me wrong.
• Best Pharmacy Safeway Pharmacy at Cheshire Station. I’ve been on a shoebox full of drugs for years now, and been jerked around at more pharmacies than you can count. These people are wonderful, prompt, courteous, and, best of all, there is rarely a line. Woo hoo!
• Best Hardware Store For Obscure Weird Parts is also not in eastern Prince William. Instead, it’s J E Rice True Value in Manassas. They have a nuts, bolts, and hardware section that would impress even a Detroit line manager. Need a hardened chrome allen head cap screw? They’ve got ‘em!
• Best Endodontist Need a root canal and hate dentists? Call Dr. Margaret Mossler. She is gentle, kind, and soothing, and a genuine Woodbridge local – born and raised.
  

Tuesday’s Foodie Update

Two things to report today: First, I have perfected my salsa recipe; and second, the sushi at Tokyo Japanese Steakhouse is as amazing as ever!

We ate tonite at TJSH for the first time in a couple of months. A variety of personal reasons had kept us away, and we had the jones some kinda bad for their signature spicy handroll. My fave is the tuna, and the Admiral likes the hamachi. Well, they were every bit as amazing as ever! Also, they now had abalone, so we tried a nigiri of same. Sweet and crunchy, the abalone could be my new “must have”.

Now onto salsa: Mexican and southwestern food is my second love, and a good salsa is food of the Gods. I’ve been making some salsas by hand for a couple of years now, and I think I’ve finally got one version down.

Mind you now, a salsa, to me, isn’t something you dip a chip into. Oh, no! Salsa is something you pile on! A good salsa is chunky and flavorful without having too much heat. Herewith is my salsa recipe:

18 roma tomatoes
4 medium tomatillos
1.5 medium red onions
fresh cilantro
2 limes
1 12 oz. can black beans
1 10 oz. can sweet corn
1.5 tsp cumin
2 tsp salt
1/8 cup red wine vinegar
2 tsp sugar
fresh ground black pepper
Tiger Sauce (or other hot sauce) to taste

First, prepare the tomatoes by removing the cores and seeds, and then dice. The idea is to get the tomato flesh, not all the extra liquid. Place into large bowl.

Remove the leaf covering from the tomatillos and place into a saucepan with enough water to cover, and boil lightly until they change color from bright green to pale green. Remove from pan and let cool, then chop and remove stem. Add to bowl.

Use about 1/2 bunch cilantro, rinse well, and chop the leaves finely, leaving out the thicker stems. Add to bowl.

Dice the red onions and add to bowl. Add salt, pepper, cumin, red wine vinegar, sugar, and juice from the limes, then fold together. Using an immersion blender, finely process about half of the bowl contents.

Drain and add corn. Drain and rinse black beans, then add to bowl.

Fold ingredients together and taste. At this point, adjust for saltiness, acidity, and heat.

Refrigerate for about an hour to let the flavors develop, then consume with vigor! I recommend either white or blue corn tortilla chips.

James von Brunn, I wish you a…

slow and painful death, you miserable piece of crap. For two reasons: first, to get a taste of punishment here on earth, and second, to save the taxpayers the expense of a trial and your incarceration. Rot in hell.

The thing that really gets me about these loser White Supremacist types is that if they were so damn superior, why aren’t they all rich and powerful? Instead, most of them live in momma’s basement running some two-bit website, whining about how the [you pick the race] is screwing up their lives, the Holocaust never happened, and muttering, “Heil Hitler”. Yep, that’s some kind of supremacy.

And that’s the problem with Blamers: Their lives are focused on problems. No love, no joy, no happiness: just pathetic bitterness. If they put half the energy into living life to its fullest that they do pissing and moaning about racial purity, they’d be, well, normal.

So much for that, I guess.

I’ve Been Shot In The Ass – Twice!

Sadly, it’s true – two double taps, that is. With antibiotics. Ouch!

The poison ivy worsened to the point of allowing a really stubborn cellulitis infection to develop. The first group of antibiotics didn’t do the job, so three trips to the doctor, two different oral antibiotics, four injectable antibiotics, and prolonged dosages of oral steriods later, I’m showing some improvement. By the Rule of Nines, a quick system used by medical personnel for estimating the extent of burns on patients, I have about 12% total body involvement with this poison ivy rash. Serious by any measure.

The good news is that I have the World’s Greatest Doctor. She sees me when I tell her I really need to be seen, listens to everything I have to say, writes excellent instructions, and follows up. She is, quite literally, my lifesaver.

God is providing for me and teaching me patience. And I’m learning.

A “Rash” Decision

Springtime. Yard work. Poison Ivy.

I’ve got it, and bad, too. Both forearms, the right side of my tummy, and a spot on my leg. I haven’t had this since I was a child, and I’d have thought that modern medicine would have made some progress since then. Silly me.

According to Wikipedia, I have urushiol-induced contact dermatitis. Urushiol is an oil produced by members of the sumac family, and it bonds into the second layer of skin if not washed off within about fifteen minutes of contact. Once it has bonded, you are pretty much screwed.

Wikipedia goes on to mention that the old standby, Caladryl, has absolutely no effect whatsoever. It doesn’t relieve the itch, dry out the lesions, or reduce the swelling. Completely useless. Period.

A search of the interwebs for cures had me looking all over town for a new product called Zanfel. At $38 for a tube, this product claims to remove the oil from it’s skin bond and is effective at all stages of the outbreak. Riiiiight. I did three treatments. Some immediate itch relief, but no long term effect. Likewise with the Admiral, who has a small patch on her arm. I may have well set fire to a couple of twenty dollar bills for all the good that did. Lovely.

I should mention, however, that I am a +15 year Type II diabetic, so my immune system is somewhat compromised. Which leads me to the latest development: Cellulitis in my right forearm. The open sores are a rapid conduit for bacteria, and I could practically hear them jumping for joy as they took advantage. I developed a well-defined area of redness, swelling, and warmth surrounding the lesions, and was on the phone to the doctor immediately.

Fortunately, medical science has advanced some in this area, and the Augmentin and Prednisone are doing the job, so I can keep my arm.

You think I’m kidding. I’m not. Look it up.